I had a coaching client recently ask me about what it means to be a true friend. It really got me thinking about how to know if someone in your life is a true friend, and just as importantly, if you are a true friend to others. I’m going to claim my expertise on this topic because I’m lucky enough to have some genuinely true friends.

Check out this list and see if you have one and if you ARE one.

1. A true friend says “thank you” when you do the smallest thing that makes their lives easier or happier. Especially for the things you wouldn’t even expect them to notice.
2. A true friend appreciates your advice or opinions, even if they don’t take them, because they know it came from a place of love.
3. A true friend says “I’m sorry” when they see you’re hurting. Not because they think they caused your pain, but because it genuinely bothers them that you’re feeling it.
4. A true friend does more than say “I’m sorry” if they WERE the one that caused your pain. They find a way to show it.
5. A true friend says “good job” or “I’m proud of you” when you’ve put your heart and soul into something and complete it, even if it ended up an absolute mess!
6. A true friend tells you all about the fun stuff they did without you, not because they’re trying to rub it in, but because they wish you were there with them and want to find any way they can to fill you in on the fun. They’ll always say, “I wish you had been there,” or “the only thing that could have made it better was you!”
7. A true friend never has to use the word “but” when they tell you how they feel about you. There are no conditions on their love for you, even when you’re being a jerk (which they will still totally tell you, while reminding you they still love you!).
8. When a true friend tells you you’re beautiful, they’re always talking about your insides first and foremost.
9. A true friend will find ways to make sure that you always know that their life is better because you’re in it.
10. A true friend doesn’t have to be told not to like someone else who hurt you. They just can’t possibly feel the same respect for someone who did you wrong and still say they have your back.
11. A true friend will always defend you if others talk about you negatively. It doesn’t matter if what they’re saying is true or untrue, because even when your behavior doesn’t meet others’ standards, they accept you as a human being who makes mistakes, but is also entitled to live your own life and make your own choices.
12. A true friend will stand by you when you choose to try something that they know probably won’t work, while they hope for the best and prepare for the worst. When and if the worst happens, they never say, “I told you so,” they are just waiting there with love and support.
13. A true friend will always wish you could see yourself through their eyes, so you can know just how wonderful you really are.
14. A true friend will never, ever, ever use your biggest insecurities against you. No matter what.
15. A true friend will never have to ask, “is something wrong?” They’ll see it in your face or hear it in your voice.
16. A true friend will never treat someone else better than they treat you in your presence. No matter what, you’re always treated equally at the very least.
17. A true friend will know the difference between when you want to talk and when you NEED to talk. The times you need them, they’ll drop just about anything to make time for you.
18. A true friend will never repeat anything you ask them not to. Not to anyone, including their significant other, because it’s not about keeping a secret, it’s about keeping your trust.
19. A true friend will give as much as they take from the friendship. Even though it might happen at different times, they’ll always make sure the friendship is in balance.
20. A true friend will not lie to protect your feelings. They’ll understand you deserve the truth, no matter how difficult it may be for them to say or for you to hear, and they will be there for you when the truth is hurtful or hard to handle.

Well, how did you do? Are you this kind of friend? Are you lucky enough to have friends like this? Or do you have people you thought were true friends until you read this list and realized they don’t do any of those things?

I’m lucky to have more than a few that I can call true friends. They’re the ones that taught me what true friendship is, and how to try to be a true friend in return. Some I see regularly, some I see rarely, but it never wavers that when I’m in their emotional presence, I feel endless gratitude. To all my TRUE friends out there, I love you, and I hope I am someone who exhibits most of these qualities above for you, too!